How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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