new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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