i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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