A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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