i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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