I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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