booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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