I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wear drunk well.
Randomize