it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize