I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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