Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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