I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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