um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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