I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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