as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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