so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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