guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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