The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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