forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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