he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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