FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize