so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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