so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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