i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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