Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize