It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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