if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize