yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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