i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize