Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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