I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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