Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize