I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize