I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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