I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize