am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize