It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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