Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize