Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We are two peas in an std pod
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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