I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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