this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize