I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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