Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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