Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize