I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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