Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize