His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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