remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize