Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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