Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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